I Was Engaged, and Then I Wasnt

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I was going to have my dream wedding with the love of my life.

The dress had been bought. The invitations had been sent. I even had a perfect bachelorette weekend courtesy of the best bridesmaids and friends a girl could ask for.

And then my fiance ended our engagement 47 days before our wedding… In a text message.

I mean, I knew we had some issues, but it wasn’t like we hadn’t gotten through much worse before. I attributed the stress we had both been experiencing as pretty reasonable considering the fact that I was starting my career, we were living together officially for the first time, and he was trying to finish his last semester of school- all while planning our wedding. I’m the type of person who believes that love is a choice. The decision to pick that person every single day for the rest of your life- and I thought he was too. So when he blindsided me one morning with the omission that he just really didn’t believe he was ready to be married, my initial reaction was utter confusion.

Was this something we could get over and work out?

Who ends a wedding 47 days beforehand?

Who the hell have I been planning this life with for so long?

Since ending our engagement, I am just as confused as I was the moment it happened. While I have had clarity about why things ended and more specifically why they had to, I am left with one burning question:

How will I ever trust anyone enough again to believe them when they say, “forever?”

Every girl is admittedly a little skeptical and untrusting about love, and after having people walk in and out of my life with no remorse and losing some of the people I have loved the most unexpectedly I am even more so. My dad has sworn to me that when I meet the right man I won’t ever question his loyalty or his love for me, but after everything that’s happened I feel like I have a 100 foot wall with an electric fence, thorns, and a 24 hour guard with an automatic machine gun around my heart.

While some days have been easier than others accepting that my life is going to be much different than the one I expected to live, there’re three things I have learned and tell myself every day:

I was engaged, and then I wasn’t. The world didn’t stop, and my heart’s still beating. I will (eventually) heal from this.

Love is a choice. It says nothing about me that my partner stopped choosing love. I have no reason to beat myself up or feel less confident about my “lovability.”

When someone shows you who they are, believe them.  There were warning signs I chose to ignore throughout the whole relationship. I won’t be so ignorant again.

I spent ten months of my life (and thousands and thousands of dollars) planning a wedding that didn’t happen, and three years of my life with a guy who ripped my heart to shreds over and over again. While that sucks, at least I didn’t (or attempt to) spend my life with a man who would never love me the way I deserved to be loved. I may not be perfect, but I deserve a love that makes me feel safe, makes me a better person and doesn’t run away when things get tough.

I was engaged, and then I wasn’t. I’ll be okay.

Have you ever had to end an engagement or knew someone that did? Tell me in the comments.

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About Chloe

Chloe is a San Antonio, TX native who loves margaritas and brunch almost as much as she loves reading a good book and a catching up on Empire. Learn more about Just a Girl in This World, click on the "About" tab in the main menu.

13 thoughts on “I Was Engaged, and Then I Wasnt

  1. You will be fine, you are a very strong women. Kept you head held high and get on with you life. There is a special guy out there, just waiting to find the love of his life. Love you

    1. Amazing….just amazing. This is the kind of writing that Reader’s Digest and Huffington Post spotlight.

      We experience things in life for a purpose. I mean, who would Taylor Swift be without all the heartbreak and awkward teenage years to put to music?

      Use this experience to inspire others and fuel your motivation to pursue your dreams. The Best is Yet to Come!

  2. I think you are a very brave and strong woman to have exposed your heartbreak for the entire world to see. I, too, am an aspiring blogger and I’ll admit it’s quite difficult for me to write about what I know because it’s incredibly hard to let others see inside your soul. Keep doing what you’re doing because you’ve inspired me to want to be more open and honest about things that have been difficult in my life. I’m sorry this happened to you but I know the right guy is out there for you.

  3. I think you are incredibly brave and strong for writing about something so deeply personal, and letting the entire world see it. I, too, am an aspiring blogger and you’ve inspired me to want to be more open and honest with my writing. I am terribly sorry for what you’re going through but I believe you will find someone who is meant for you. Keep doing what your doing and never quit writing from the heart.

  4. Your dad is totally right, when it’s right you won’t question it. One of my bff’s got engaged a few months after I did and I saw a total flip in her. You could tell the relationship was bringing out her worst side, and ultimately he ended the engagement. She was bummed at first but she is so happy she dodged a bullet. It’s just making space for a better future for you!

    Rachel | The Confused Millennial

  5. I’m so sorry Chloe! I could tell how excited you were about the wedding over facebook. If it helps at all I was about to make the same mistake, but realized a few months before the proposal that it wouldn’t of been a good marriage. Your dad is right, when you know you know, and I didn’t at all.

  6. This might seem silly because I really don’t know you at all, but when I heard about your situation, my heart broke for you.

    I was in a really damaging relationship for years and it was so hard for me to realize the mental abuse I took on an everyday basis. One day I ended things and not even a month later I met a guy who changed my life forever.

    When you find the right one, the world just feels like it’s fallen into place. Safety and comfort come naturally.

    I think of you often and hope you are feeling happier everyday!

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